Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
