I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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