My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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