can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
