you guys were way drunker than both of me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
