His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
