We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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