is your mom at the bar?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
