i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
