I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
