he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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