and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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