Well apparently he's into motor boating.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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