i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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