Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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