Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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