I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Still dying that you shit outside
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
