lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
