i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
