Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
