Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
