omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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