so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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