So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
