Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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