Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hope mine doesn't look like that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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