last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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