Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
