White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
