dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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