I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize