Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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