Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
