2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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