I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
