maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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