If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
