I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
