I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
