i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
