The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
