Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Even my vagina gasped.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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