I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
