You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
