Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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