You smell like stripper and shame
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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