At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
