So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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