I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
