I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
