At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
