Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
