it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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