i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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