There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
