I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
