Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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