oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i love accidental penises.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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