But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
