Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
