You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
