there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize