Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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