new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
