its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
