Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
