At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
